I’ve written about it before, probably in a similar context, but after about 8 years  the Incident’s turned out to be an important moment. At the time it just seemed like a sign, something to note about a trend, but the Incident has revealed itself as a defining moment – for me, at least.

Here’s what happened

The 7:20am morning train from False Bay station to Newlands: peak time, only a few free seats and every possible strata of working/learning society represented. I’m on a 3-seater just inside the doors facing another 3-seater. I don’t remember who’s beside me, but across from me is a man (early 30’s) and a woman (late 30’s). The train pulls away and the woman reaches into her bag and brings out a muffin – as she begins to unwrap it, the man shouts (really, he shouted) “I’m a VEGAN!” flinging himself out of the seat and pushing through to stand with the crowd at the door.

It’s a real moment: the woman – possibly a mom who’s spent the morning getting kids ready, sorting out an aged parent, catching a taxi from Capricorn to the station so she can get to work – has packed a muffin so she won’t be facing customers in her check-out line/office/clinic on an empty stomach.

She’s sits stricken with embarrassment and confusion holding a half-unwrapped muffin. Luckily she’s surrounded by ordinary people of multiple dietary persuasions who shrug, smile and generally communicate that he’s clearly a spoilt fool who’s been badly socialised – go ahead, enjoy the muffin. Which she does, and that’s where it ends.

But it stuck with me and now I know why.

What’s clear to me now: you can have all the right beliefs, ideology, principles and politics, but still be a truly lousy human being.

That’s it, but it’s far from simple.

There’s something post post-truth

Maybe it works in a circle, maybe it’s parallel – I leave that to more tortuous thinkers than me, but I know that this is a heavy philosophical question. In post-truth society being a hypocrite is fine, it’s either a sign of ethical multi-tasking or it just doesn’t exist as a concept. If that’s how it is, then I’m opting for a clearer stance: don’t even tell me about your belief/ideology/principles or politics – just show me what you do to others, especially strangers. 

That’s it. That’s everything.

Think Epstein: does it matter what you’re worth, who you donate to, who your friends are or what your job is? No – how do you treat people? When faced with activists: how are they treating others? Presidents: how are they treating people and opponents?

Back to The Incident

Let’s assume that the man has a real issue – the sight of a muffin possibly corrupt with eggs, butter and milk can cause him to experience nausea or rage – what stops him from getting up and going to the door without saying a word? Nothing.

That’s the point where it becomes a crappy response, an act of social demolition, of shaming. Shaming assumes that there is a good to be rewarded and a bad to be shamed, but in a post-truth society, that just feels like subjective nonsense. Your stance is your stance. Currently the world is full of hills people have to die on, if this is your hill, OK. I hope it feels like a worthwhile battle, but it may not be anyone else’s hill, so don’t shout at/assault everyone about it.

What does it all mean?

I’m not into post-truth – I think it’s a lot of noisy obfuscation and sleight of hand. The weirdest thing about many post-truth adherents is how they have one over-arching truth that everyone has to respect. No. No-one gets to choose one strand while abandoning everything else about the human experience without losing credibility.

The Incident stuck with me for a reason – it occurs to me that in 2020 the whole world feels like the 7:20 to Newlands with people shouting “I’m THIS” or “I’M THAT”!

Help to prevent actual harm and cut everyone else a break

Am I saying that nothing is worth fighting for, that we should just let wrongs continue without being addressed? No. Why would I? If the woman had tried to cram her muffin into the man’s mouth, I’d have intervened immediately. If he’d initiated a conversation with her about the ethical and health benefits of being a vegan, I wouldn’t have even noticed. 

You don’t have to stand by and allow people to be harmed, just as you don’t have to cast everyone into banishment and outer darkness. The ditch of total abdication is as bad as the ditch of constant hypervigilance – head for the road between them where you step up to stop actual harm, but you also understand that you’re only one of 9 billion people just trying to make it through any given day.